We’re stating the obvious here, but mountain biking is better than road cycling. Sure, they have things in common:

1. Wheels, frame, bike parts, etc

2. You ride with friends

3. It’s good for you

But if you’ve only got time to obsess over one hobby, mountain biking is the clear winner. Here’s why:

Mountain Bike Fashion

You know we had to start here. Road clothes are functional, but absolutely horrible. Mountain bikers get to wear baggy shorts, comfy shoes, flannel. Road cyclists compete to see who can wear the tightest outfits and show the most lumps. Yuck. If you’re one of those mountain bikers that wears spandex, please look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, “Is this really who I want to be?”

The Risk of Dying

Again, mountain biking is the clear winner here. You can hurt yourself in either sport, but is some jacked-up-rolling-coal redneck gonna hit you on a trail? Hell no, but he’s gonna run you off the road and maybe even smash into you. Better to hit a tree at 8mph than get hit by a diesel going 60.

Entertaining Terrain

Riding on roads is boring. It’s also hotter because there usually ain’t shit for shade. And the road is black, making it even hotter. Unless you live in the desert, mountain biking takes place in the cool woods. It’s packed with things to keep you constantly entertained like poisonous snakes, spiders, deer, turtles and fun things to ride over and around.

Attitude

It’s no secret that roadies tend to be a bit more pretentious than their flannel-clad brethren. The fact that you have to call it “road cycling” instead of biking should be clue #1. Roadies will spend their time debating watts, gear ratios, and weird European races after a ride. Us mountain bikers just shut up and drink beer, then proceed to lie about all of the crazy stuff they just did on the trail. That’s so much better.

F*** ROAD!

All of these emotions just bubble up and make you wanna say, “F*** road!”, am I right (get your shirt here already)? Don’t get me wrong, We’ve got a ton of great memories from my road cycling days, but I sure as hell ain’t going back. At least not until we’re too old to ride SKETCHY stuff in the woods.